Camp and I went on a date last Saturday. It's funny because despite the fact that I am home with him everyday, I find that I am in desperate need of time alone with him. (Time when I am not sending him to his room for hitting Jane or calling me an idiot--time when we have no one to distract us from one another.) Anyway, it was really fun. We went to Subway for lunch, and then to a play, and then to the grocery store where I let Camp get a chocolate donut to eat while I shopped.
Other than that...my washing machine is broken. Sometimes I hate being a grown up.

Nothing To Say

I've wanted to post something new for a while, but guess what? I've had nothing to say. So tonight I've decided to just start typing and see where it takes me...

How was my week? Oh, it was fine. I've got a good life, and I love to be at home. My kids are good kids. I've had a bit of trouble with Jane and Camp fighting lately. Actually, it is more like Camp fighting with Jane. I'm not sure what to do about it. My mom has told me to make sure that I give Camp ways to serve Jane and that he will come to really love her by doing so. I do try to do that, so hopefully it will help.

Brian brought home a bunch of boxes that we had been storing in my parents garage. I started going through them the other night and I experienced so much nostalgia. I was reading all of the letters, cards, and notes I came across and that seemed to take me back in time to when they were written. It was weird because after reading stuff for a couple of hours, I would see myself in the mirror, and it would almost startle me because I would realize anew that I am so much different now. My life is different now. Anyway, I was reminded of how fun Malinda's notes were. She always drew really funny pictures to go along with whatever she was writing--And I was reminded of some of the friendships that I had back then that I will always be grateful for. And I found the senior picture where a bunch of us held up letters at the top of the bleachers that spelled "Mo Mo Mo Mo." I still had a couple of the letters. And I found a few of the dance pictures that Larry had given me. He always gave me his 8x10's. So funny. And I found birthday cards my roommates gave me in college, and I found notes written on napkins that Johnny or Emily would send through to me when I worked in the MTC as a dishwasher. And I found the funniest story that Chels had written about me and a card that she gave me when I was apparently really struggling. And I found a couple letters from Sarah telling me how much she loved me. I still remember the day she gave me one of those letters. I was teaching my lab in the Statistics building, and I was wearing a cute black turtle neck and sailor-type jeans, and I felt like my life was falling apart. And I found papers I wrote. What the heck is a 23 factorial experiment? Man, I sounded smart. I wish I could still do that stuff. And then I found love notes, if you will, between Brian and me, from before we were married and during our early marriage. Priceless. I was thinking about how fun it would be to put together a notebook just of letters between Brian and me. I have a ton of them. Wouldn't that be fun to pass on to our kids?
So what do I do with all of that stuff? How do I decided what to keep and what to chuck? It was hard. I don't feel like I can keep toting four boxes of notes around, and what for? I ended up throwing out a lot of it, but some things I still kept. I guess I feel like a select handful of people really have helped to shape my life and it is the letters, etc. from those people that I will keep for now. Who knows? Maybe I will go through the "keep" pile again in a few years and throw out some more of it. Maybe all that will be left in the end are those letters between Brian and Me. I'll never throw those out. Hmmm...this is starting to sound too much like Tuesdays with Morrie or something kinda sappy like that...Anyway...
What else happened? I had really bad gas all week. The rotten egg kind. It wouldn't leave me alone. And Danin started pulling herself up to standing, and Camp said he wasn't going to die yet because he is a little shy with Jesus. And on Thursday morning I was a bad mom. I woke up late and Camp was late for school--and because I was rushing him too much, we started fighting. I yelled and was too rough with him. I did ask for his forgiveness, though, and then I said my morning prayers. (Too bad I hadn't done that right when I got out of bed) And Jane sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star really well. And Brian stayed home for the entire Saturday and painted the front door. I love when he is home on Saturdays.

Home Sweet Home

Welp. We're finally home. We had a wonderful time in Vegas, but it is good to be home. I'm so grateful to have a home that I love coming back to. What do I want to tell you about...Let's see...

For the first time in a really long time, I got to spend a couple of evenings alone with my brother, Seth. I hate discovering that I really didn't know a sibling the way I thought I did, but I am always so grateful to have the chance to get to know them for real. Why didn't I know that Seth was so much like Scotty? Why didn't I know that he has always struggled with being called skinny the same way a girl might struggle with being called fat? Why didn't I know that he can tell you about a dream and not leave out a single detail? Man, it was so fun exercising with him and seeing how his skinny body has transformed. Yep, he showed them! And my mom is right: he is a really good kid.
And I got to see my cousins Charley and Heather Hatch. Man, I love those guys. I hadn't seen them in like six years, yet they have been a big part of Seth and Audrey's life all along. They are still as cool as ever and I am so proud of them.
And as I've said before, I love being with my sister, Sarah. She is a great sister to me and I enjoy her tremendously.
And it is seriously no wonder that Laura has gazillions of boys constantly in love with her. She is soooo cool. I wish I could have her personality.
And Audrey and I went and got our blizzards. Good ol' cookies and cream. (Are they making those things smaller these days? We got jipped. Didn't they know we had been doing a lent kind of thing up till that night?) Thank goodness for Poodley being such a constant in my life. I've adored her since she was a little wispy-haired thing running around in a tutu.
And I love being around Charley. He makes me feel like he loves and respects me, he constantly reminds us all of the joy and hilarity of our childhood, and he loves his wife.
My Dad. I always enjoy my dad. I got to do yard work with him and enjoyed it for the first time in my life. In fact, I would have given a lot to just be able to stay out there bagging leaves with him in his funny hat. I had some interesting conversations with him, too. He's definitely a scriptorian (sp?) so it's really fascinating to hear him talk about the scriptures. I don't agree with some of his ideas, but it's still interesting to listen. I'm thankful for his example and all he has taught me. He always makes me feel like he loves me, too.
And if I was told that I was going to have to spend the rest of my life on an island with only one person, I really would have to flip a coin between my mom and Brian. She is wonderful. Thank you so, so, so much for everything, mom. Someday I hope to do for you what you do for me.

This trip was hard for me in some respects, too... Enjoying my family so much can be a bit of a curse at times. I have found that when I am around my siblings, it's sometimes hard for me to be a mom. I find myself wishing that I could just be a kid again in order to enjoy the company of my family without the demands of being a mom. Do you know what I mean? There were many times when I was longing to just sit around and talk with everyone or go out to dinner or go shopping, but none of those things are very practical now that I have kids. It's hard. I found that on this trip, I realized that I do not always love being a mom. I love and adore my children and would die if I lost any one of them, but it is just not always easy or fun to be a mom. There. I said it.
And yes. I think it is alright to feel this way every now and then, but I think I let it go too far. I have been experiencing a bit of a spiritual low for the past little while, and I'm afraid this trip didn't help. My parents house is a great place to feel spiritual uplift--mainly because of my amazing mom (sorry to brag) --so that wasn't it. It was just that being away from my home led me to let go of my normal rituals of praying and reading my scriptures the way I normally do. Don't get me wrong--There are very few nights when I do not say my prayers, but for the last month, they have been rushed and insincere and unemotional. And why didn't I say my morning prayers when I needed Heavenly Father's help so much? So stupid. So as a result, I've been selfish. Totally selfish. I've been thinking about me, me, me. Woe is me because I have to sacrifice so much. Wah, Wah, Wah.
Good news, though. I'm home. I'm home, and the pity party is over. I'm ready to start over and be a good mom --the kind who counts her blessings every morning and every night, and is constantly mindful of how lucky she is to still have her son, and tries hard not to yell, and prays intently, and reads her scriptures, and enjoys her children, and is not selfish. I'm ready. Bring it on. Starting tomorrow, I am going to be the coolest.

Amendment

Upon reading my blog, Brian pointed out that we were not together for all eleven months between the time that he returned from his mission and the time that we got married. We started going on dates shortly after he returned but we were not officially dating until several months later. Brian also pointed out that we were not together after I told him I wasn't going to marry him. True. AND just so that none of you worry that I don't know that Brian was dating it up with all sorts of girls while I lived in Utah and before we got engaged--yeah, I know. Not that any of this matters...

Hmmm....I also want to say that Brian is like Lenny (of Mice and Men). He is super, super strong and could easily kill me on accident. In fact, he almost just killed me while we were wrestling.

Also, I am officially inviting any of you that are interested to participate in a Sudoku challenge. I seriously can't imagine anyone being more skilled at Sudokus than Brian, so I am trying to find willing participants to challenge him. I'm serious. I will make a copy of a particular Sudoku challenge and then email it to you. You can time yourself to see how long it takes you to finish it, and I will time Brian with the same one. Any takers?

P.S. If any of you would be more comfortable challenging Brian in person, we will be in Vegas for the next few weeks, so I can probably arrange it.

Thanks for inviting me to play...

1-What is his name? Brian Scott Lacouture

2-How long have you been married? Seven years last Sunday

3-How long did you date? All together? Let's see....two months in high school, six months before his mission, 11 months after his mission--a total of 19 months.

4-Who eats more sweets? Normally, me. However, a week and a half ago, my sister and I agreed not to eat any sweets until March 16 (at which time we will surely go get a blizzard to celebrate!) So far, so good.

5-Who said I love you first? Brian--and I didn't even say it back the first time. I decided in high school that I would not tell a boy I loved him--so I told boys that I didn't believe in love in high school. I even took it so far as to write "like, Ann" at the end of my letters instead of "Love, Ann." Man, I was cool. (The truth is, though--I actually did love in high school.)

6-Who is taller? Brian. He's probably 5'11" and I'm 5' 7 1/2" (but I swear I used to be 5' 8")

7-Who can sing better? Neither of us is especially gifted at singing, but I think I can carry a tune without being accompanied better than he can. But who really knows, right? I could be just as delusional as all those American Idol rejects, and I'd probably never know it.

8-Who is smarter? I'm smarter at math, grammar, and....well, that's pretty much it. He's smarter in every way that ever counts for anything.

9-Who does the laundry? Me, and I hate it. I even roll Brian's garments. It's probably the biggest sacrifice I make in order to show him my love.

10-Who pays the bills? Me.

11-Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? If you're looking at the bed, I do. I'm furthest from the door.

12-Who cooks dinner? I do--except when we have steak. No one barbecues steak like Brian.

13-Who drives? Brian ALWAYS drives when we're together except when we're on a really long road trip and we have to switch off.

14-Who is more stubborn? Brian--by a mile.
15-Who kissed who first? Ironically, I kissed Brian first. Any of you that know me well know how surprising this is. I had to do it in order to get over my fear of kissing. I was trying to apply a study I had read in the Reader's Digest.

16-Who asked who out first? Brian. He asked me to Homecoming when we were Juniors, but we didn't actually start "dating" until a year later.

17-Who proposed? Is this a feminist quiz or what? Like I'm going to propose... Brian did three times, and the third time, I said yes.

18-Who wears the pants? I asked Brian this question and he said that I am always trying to put on the pants, but that we wear them together.

Here's another tag.
One word answers only.

1. Where is your cell phone? desk
2. Your hair? straight
3. Work? later
4. Your father? smart
5. Your favorite thing? blizzards
6. Your dream last night? good
7. Your favorite drink? OJ
8. Your dream car? minivan
9. The room you're in? kitchen
10. Your fears?cheating
11. What do you want to be in 10 years? rich
12. Who did you hang out with last night? Brian
13. What you're not good at? creativity
14. Muffin? chocolate
15. One of your wish list items? teeth
16. Where you grew up? vegas
17. Last thing you did? math
18. What are you wearing? sweats
19. What aren't you wearing? shirt
20. Your pet? nope!
21. Your computer? black
22. Your life? good
23. Your mood? relaxed
24. Missing? hoodies
25. What are you thinking about right now? this
26. Your car/truck? squished
27. Your summer? long
28. Your relationship status? love
29. Your favorite color? red
30. When is the last time you really laughed with meaning? hmmm
31. Last time you cried? hmmm
32. School? statistics
33. Least favorite weather? cold
34. Soup? vegetable
35. Movie? clear player

I tag everyone reading this...

Just a little variety

I really have nothing to say today, so I'll just share a little mormon joke with you.
Why any man would want a wife is a mystery. Why any man would want more than one wife is a bigamistery. That's all.

Good mail and Valentine's Day

As I mentioned at Christmastime, I love getting good mail. Upon getting the mail, I used to comment to Camp that everything in the mail was "lame." Later, Camp started getting the mail for me and asking me if it was lame. Now, he just opens the box, pulls out the mail, and says, "Lame, lame, lame!" And most of the time he is right: bills, credit card offers, grocery store ads, and the like. But once in a while, I get something good. Recently, I have gotten a few good things--my real simple magazine, and Meg's wedding announcement! Congratulations, Meg! I can't wait to be there!
And talking about mail has gotten me thinking....Have any of you ever seen the Charlie Brown Valentine Special? If you're interested in a real tear jerker, this is the movie for you. It's not a tear jerker because it's so happy. It's a tear jerker because it is positively the most depressing cartoon that has ever been written.







You see, the story begins with Charlie Brown carrying two little suitcases to school on Valentine's Day. "Why?" Linus asks. Because Charlie wants to make sure that he has a way of carrying home all of his Valentines. Well, the class party is underway and the Valentines are being passed out and all of the kids are loving it--well, all of the kids except Charlie, that is. He doesn't receive a one. NOT ONE! Come on, man. Where are Linus and Snoopy in a time of need? I don't know. All I know is that Charlie Brown walked home that day with a very sad face and two empty little suitcases. And THEN (this is where the mail part comes in) Charlie wonders if maybe someone mailed him a Valentine, and it just hasn't gotten to him yet. Nope. So the movie ends with one of the kids in Charlie's class giving him a used Valentine. Pathetic.
I wonder if this movie is so hard for me because it reminds me of some of my own experiences. In seventh grade, I experienced a Valentine's Day that almost ended as bad as Charley Brown's. At my school (like many of yours, I'm sure), one of the clubs made Valentine-0-grams that you could buy and have delivered to your friends. Well, I went home from school one day and mentioned them to my mom and how I knew I wouldn't be getting any. So Valentine's Day came and I was sitting in my sixth period class, and the Valentine-o-grams started coming.--just like in the Charlie Brown movie. I remember feeling sad and awkward and lonely--wishing I had friends to send me a Valentine. Before too long, the most wonderful thing of my life (almost) happened. I heard my name called! Someone had sent me a Valentine! Man, I was so excited! And then my name was called again, and again, and again. I got like seven Valentines! Ann, the girl with no boyfriends--and no friends, for that matter--had gotten some Valentines! Who were they from? My wonderful mom, of course. Good ol' Mom. I think that was the day that I realized that there was no one in the world as great as my mom...