I lived my dream, and now the dream is over.

I didn't think I would ever have long hair. As I mentioned in previous posts, I longed to have long hair for most of my childhood. I would have given anything to have had hair that hung in front of my shoulders or down my back. I would have DIED to have had hair that got stuck against the pew at church when I sat down. I never felt very feminine and I felt like long hair would have made me so much more a girl. Over the years, though, the obsession faded as I accepted the realization that long hair was just not in my cards. And as time passed, I even came to like short hair better--to me it was sassy and way more sophisticated. I cut my hair short when I was in college and it was short for about five years--and I was cool with it. However, when I became pregnant for the first time and began taking prenatal vitamins and then as I transitioned into motherhood, my hair began to grow as it never had before. I think the prenatals and hormones were huge contributors, but I think it was also a result of my not doing my hair nearly as often. You know how it is as a mother--taking a shower becomes a luxury, and doing your hair is forced several notches down the priority list. Since I wasn't damaging my hair as much and since I didn't always have the time nor the money to have it cut very often, it just kept growing. And you know what? One day I woke up and I had long hair. (Long for me, that is.) I had long hair! And even though I loved short haircuts by then, I felt like I was living a childhood dream! And I got to enjoy all of the things (for the most part) that long-haired girls get to experience, and I loved it. I loved it until one day a couple months ago when I began losing it by the handfuls. I'm not kidding--i was losing my hair and I was losing it fast. But don't be concerned--it was all in the normal cycle of things. I think we all lose hair after having had a baby. But mine had just hung on a little longer than usual as I continued to take prenatals. Anyway, despite loving having longish hair, I was equally determined to not be one of those crazy girls who has hair that is long alright, but it is also nasty and stringy--lookin' and thin. You know the ones--they usually hang out around places like 7-11. And as sad as it is, I was fast becoming one of those girls. So on a sunny day a couple weeks ago, I cut my hair. I cut it to my shoulders and then had Brian try to help me even it out. It looked alright, but as long as I was cutting my hair, I felt like I should at least get a real hair cut. So last Wednesday I went and had it cut for real. And I'm OK. It isn't exactly what I wanted, but I'm OK. You know why? Because I don't care as much about my hair any more. So anyway... now I'm a short-haired girl again, and I've said way more than should ever be said about hair. Sorry about that.

Everything else is cool, except that my little Danin is sick. I'm not sure what is wrong with her. She's been running a fever for a couple of days now and she is just not herself. I think she only smiled once today and she has just been really tired and lethargic acting. I took her to the doctor today and they prescribed her some antibiotics for the beginnings of a possible ear infection, so we'll see how that goes. I sure hope she's herself again soon. She started walking a few weeks ago and now she's cruising along like a pro.

Jane is as darling as ever, but man, I sure hope she starts going potty in the toilet soon. She has gone poop in the toilet many times over the last year, but it's never materialized into any kind of habit.

Camp is really growing up, and I am so proud of him. He has gotten so much better at not hitting people, he has amazing phone manners, and he is learning to swim.

Brian is doing well also, but I'm not sure he has been thinking about what an amazing wife he has lately. Probably because he hasn't had an amazing wife lately. I really need to kick it into amazing wife gear this week, because starting next Sunday, I will be away from him for two weeks while I stay in Vegas with the kids and I really want him to miss me. I miss him every time I am away from him.

Sittin pretty

I made Brian laugh tonight. (I just wanted to make sure I got it on record.) AND I bought a minivan on Friday! I have to say that I bought it because Brian is still wanting no part in it. It is a 2008 white Toyota Sienna. Oh, yeah--I'll be posting pictures, alright! I just have to get down to Vegas to get it first, and that will happen on the 21st.

I'm too sexy for my car

Pretty much everyone is too sexy for my car. However, I am just sexy enough for the minivan I will buying soon. That's not the point, though. The point is, I am a knock out. I am seriously probably the most beautiful person in the whole world. How do I know? Because a week or so ago, I was talking to a couple in my ward, and they told me that they had been talking to one of their neighbors who had said, "Did you know that Jim Mitchell has a niece? She is a knock out! ( It turns out that their neighbor is this guy that I have talked to at the gym a couple times.) But can you believe that? I have FINALLY met a person who knows beauty when he sees it. I will love that man forever. Do I care that he is probably almost twice my age, goes tanning, and has a girlfriend whom he met on the internet? Nope. It's all the same to me. Those are words not often spoken. Come to think about it--those are words not ever spoken. But it looks like the tides are changing, now doesn't it...And that gets me thinking...
For most of my life, I have been totally insecure and self conscience. Although always feeling like Heavenly Father loved me and thought I was fabulous(which I now recognize as being a wonderful blessing), I always felt like I was kind of on the ugly side. I remember being a little girl and feeling like I didn't look the same as the other girls. I'm thinking it was because all the other girls could put pink sponge curlers in their hair and the next day they would have curls bouncing on their shoulders, and when my mom put pink sponge curlers in MY hair, all I got were blond bumps on my scalp. I remember analyzing my profile in the mirror. I remember kids asking me about the "spots" on my face. I remember being able to fit a tootsie pop stick in the gap between my two front teeth, and then later (during my freshman year) having people stare at my mouth when those two teeth had been pushed together and I was left with two big holes on either side. I have so many bad memories of being insecure. I remember being paranoid of hearing someone describe me for fear of what they'd say. I remember that in sixth grade, my best friend and I were talking on the phone with the boy we liked and he described us both as "average" and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I remember never wanting to be described as "tall and blond" because I worried that people would assume I was pretty and then they would be disappointed upon meeting me. I remember that even when Brian left on his mission, I worried about him taking a picture of me and having the other elders thinking that he had an ugly girlfriend. (That reminds me...Remember that part on Home Alone when Kevin finds a picture of Buzz's girlfriend?) Anyway, it seemed as if the only people in the world(excluding my mom) who thought I was pretty were Emily and Mim. Oh my gosh. Thank goodness for Emily and Mim. They truly saved me. I think I felt like people who really knew me and loved my innards probably thought I was alright looking, but the idea of someone thinking I was pretty without knowing me was inconceivable. So I went through those years not understanding a very important and magical truth--a truth that I learned from my best friend after I was married: the fact that it is possible to trick people (if you will) into thinking you are beautiful. She taught me that if you act like you think you're beautiful, people will begin to think you really are. Isn't that brilliant? And it totally works. Before she taught me this, I allowed Brian to see all of my insecurities and I never knew how to respond when he complimented my looks. But now, when Brian says, "Man, you're hot, Babe." I say, "Yeah, that's true." And I'm not even joking.--The man believes it! Chels! Why did you not teach me that earlier? When I've thought about it, I've realized that this little truth is just another way of saying what we've all been told before: Confidence is extremely attractive. Confidence truly does make a person beautiful.
I remember that somewhere in my teenage or young adult history, I did begin to have a glimmer of understanding of the importance of confidence. I wanted to have confidence so badly, so I decided at some point to start faking confidence. And do you know what happened? People responded to my faked confidence positively, which helped me to start building up the real stuff. You know what I mean? So then my confidence began to grow... and it continued to grow at a nice leisurely pace until I moved to the retirement community of Florence, at which point it pretty much catapulted upward. Why? Because I was suddenly in a place where I was practically the only young person around and so by default, I was the most beautiful and the most amazing. It wasn't that I had the most gorgeous hair, or the prettiest teeth, or the hottest body or amazing talents. It was just that I still had hair and teeth, I could still use my body and the small talents I had to offer were so much more needed by the people around me. But whatever. Pretty good situation, right.? You're darn right. Living here has done wonders for my confidence. So anyway, even though I still don't think I'm beautiful (I was using my trick on you in the beginning of this post), I'm comfortable with the way I look and the person I am. And I will still love that guy forever.

With all that said, guess what else? Have I mentioned that I'M RICH!? Well maybe not rich, but pretty much for the first time in my married life, we have no credit card debt. That's right. Brian and I have paid off our credit card. And ho-lee-cow. It feels soooo good.