Saturday, August 2, 2008

I'm too sexy for my car

Pretty much everyone is too sexy for my car. However, I am just sexy enough for the minivan I will buying soon. That's not the point, though. The point is, I am a knock out. I am seriously probably the most beautiful person in the whole world. How do I know? Because a week or so ago, I was talking to a couple in my ward, and they told me that they had been talking to one of their neighbors who had said, "Did you know that Jim Mitchell has a niece? She is a knock out! ( It turns out that their neighbor is this guy that I have talked to at the gym a couple times.) But can you believe that? I have FINALLY met a person who knows beauty when he sees it. I will love that man forever. Do I care that he is probably almost twice my age, goes tanning, and has a girlfriend whom he met on the internet? Nope. It's all the same to me. Those are words not often spoken. Come to think about it--those are words not ever spoken. But it looks like the tides are changing, now doesn't it...And that gets me thinking...
For most of my life, I have been totally insecure and self conscience. Although always feeling like Heavenly Father loved me and thought I was fabulous(which I now recognize as being a wonderful blessing), I always felt like I was kind of on the ugly side. I remember being a little girl and feeling like I didn't look the same as the other girls. I'm thinking it was because all the other girls could put pink sponge curlers in their hair and the next day they would have curls bouncing on their shoulders, and when my mom put pink sponge curlers in MY hair, all I got were blond bumps on my scalp. I remember analyzing my profile in the mirror. I remember kids asking me about the "spots" on my face. I remember being able to fit a tootsie pop stick in the gap between my two front teeth, and then later (during my freshman year) having people stare at my mouth when those two teeth had been pushed together and I was left with two big holes on either side. I have so many bad memories of being insecure. I remember being paranoid of hearing someone describe me for fear of what they'd say. I remember that in sixth grade, my best friend and I were talking on the phone with the boy we liked and he described us both as "average" and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I remember never wanting to be described as "tall and blond" because I worried that people would assume I was pretty and then they would be disappointed upon meeting me. I remember that even when Brian left on his mission, I worried about him taking a picture of me and having the other elders thinking that he had an ugly girlfriend. (That reminds me...Remember that part on Home Alone when Kevin finds a picture of Buzz's girlfriend?) Anyway, it seemed as if the only people in the world(excluding my mom) who thought I was pretty were Emily and Mim. Oh my gosh. Thank goodness for Emily and Mim. They truly saved me. I think I felt like people who really knew me and loved my innards probably thought I was alright looking, but the idea of someone thinking I was pretty without knowing me was inconceivable. So I went through those years not understanding a very important and magical truth--a truth that I learned from my best friend after I was married: the fact that it is possible to trick people (if you will) into thinking you are beautiful. She taught me that if you act like you think you're beautiful, people will begin to think you really are. Isn't that brilliant? And it totally works. Before she taught me this, I allowed Brian to see all of my insecurities and I never knew how to respond when he complimented my looks. But now, when Brian says, "Man, you're hot, Babe." I say, "Yeah, that's true." And I'm not even joking.--The man believes it! Chels! Why did you not teach me that earlier? When I've thought about it, I've realized that this little truth is just another way of saying what we've all been told before: Confidence is extremely attractive. Confidence truly does make a person beautiful.
I remember that somewhere in my teenage or young adult history, I did begin to have a glimmer of understanding of the importance of confidence. I wanted to have confidence so badly, so I decided at some point to start faking confidence. And do you know what happened? People responded to my faked confidence positively, which helped me to start building up the real stuff. You know what I mean? So then my confidence began to grow... and it continued to grow at a nice leisurely pace until I moved to the retirement community of Florence, at which point it pretty much catapulted upward. Why? Because I was suddenly in a place where I was practically the only young person around and so by default, I was the most beautiful and the most amazing. It wasn't that I had the most gorgeous hair, or the prettiest teeth, or the hottest body or amazing talents. It was just that I still had hair and teeth, I could still use my body and the small talents I had to offer were so much more needed by the people around me. But whatever. Pretty good situation, right.? You're darn right. Living here has done wonders for my confidence. So anyway, even though I still don't think I'm beautiful (I was using my trick on you in the beginning of this post), I'm comfortable with the way I look and the person I am. And I will still love that guy forever.

With all that said, guess what else? Have I mentioned that I'M RICH!? Well maybe not rich, but pretty much for the first time in my married life, we have no credit card debt. That's right. Brian and I have paid off our credit card. And ho-lee-cow. It feels soooo good.

16 comments:

Nicole Cave said...

You are beautiful inside and out!! Your blog has helped me get to know you even better though...and now I think you are simply gorgeous!! Seriously. I am glad I know you!!

ksdavis6 said...

Ann- man oh man I love you! Living here in Coos Bay also has done wonders for my self esteem. I am so glad that we live so close. When are we getting together? You are beautiful, and I love your hair. Kali has hair like yours, I curl it, put tons of hairspray in it, but 15 minutes later it is straight as a board. Call me.

The White Clan said...

You kill me!!!! I guess when my hubby tells me I am "smokin hot", I should tell him he is the luckiest man in the world to have me, RIGHT? Thanks Annie!!!!

Heather & Billy said...

hmm... Maybe I need to get back outta Vegas. So what do you do when you lose the confidence? Or have you not now that you have discovered the awesome secret? I had it, lots of it, a couple years ago when I lost all that weight. But, I gotta tell you, it must be buried far in my couch right now or something. Let me know if you find mine hiding somewhere. ;)

Jen said...

Ann, who ever that guy is, he's totally right!!! I can't believe you're not aware of all the times people have said how hot you are! I'm so glad you're on the road to seeing yourself more clearly. You don't even know how many times I've walked beside you and felt like the "less hot friend" that people acknowledge only because I'm with you! Everyone loves you! Not only because you're gorgeous either. But I still walk beside you thinking, "Ugh, why is it that Ann always looks like the super-model-mom, while I'm the haggard looking mom, and does she really have to have such a knock-out body....sigh, I've only been through one pregnancy and she's been through 3, and you can't even tell!"
That's an honest look inside my head, and I'm willing to bet a lot of your friends feel the same way! So stop it already. You're just going to have to face the fact that you really are hot. No if's and's or but's about it!

Heather said...

Funny, in high school I always thought you were so pretty and so dang skinny. No fair!! Guess your opinion doesn't matter, huh? Anyhow, at least you will be able to build up your girls and understand torturous teenage angst!

McLeod Clan said...

Annie-

This whole post has made me completely jealous on every count! I just want you to know that in my eyes NOTHING has ever been average. I've always thought you were beautiful inside and out and there are many times that I have wished that I could have what you call a FAKE confidence! You've had me fooled for years! I can't even imagine the days with no debt. It's seriously more then half my worries and I can't wait for the day to be able to say we don't have that over our heads anymore.

Kristin said...

I had to check back in on your blog after reading what Janelle wrote about it a couple weeks ago. I love your posts! I appreciate your honesty about everything in life. You ARE beautiful! Always have been!

Brooke said...

HellOOOO Ann, are you kidding me? Everyone here in Flow-town loves you, thinks you are amazing, talented, gorgeous, confident, etc, etc, etc. A major moment in my life...the day you said we would be the greatest friends if our day to day lives weren't so divergent. That made my whole year, make that my whole time in Florence. I ran right over and told Ryan. I thought wow beautiful, fun, talented, Ann, who attracts so many people to her, thinks I'm cool, what a compliment. So I guess you are my "old man at the gym." Thanks so much!

campblondie said...

I wasn't aware that there were people who DIDN'T think you were a knock out!

Amy said...

Are you serious? You had that confidence when I met you! I still remember the outfit you were wearing the first time I met you....super cute Abercrombie Jeans and a black sleevless shirt and I thought I had the cutest roommate and couldn't wait to get to be her friend, then I would for sure be cool! :)

Talltiffany said...

You are freaking awesome! You are a knock out...and that is a funny story! Debt free is an amazing feeling...FREEDOM!

Lila said...

Ann! You are hilarious! You are beautiful, smart and dang funny too! I love you. And your posts are so entertaining. But besides that they are so honest. You have always been so honest. I love that about you too.

M-Ware said...

this is totally a surprise to me - that you've ever been insecure with your looks. i've always thought you were hot, had an incredible sense of style plus a smoking bod. mim and i wanted to be you.

Lisa said...

I could read your blog all day - you are one insightful chica! That man in the gym was so right-one hot woman!

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