Pretty much everyone is too sexy for my car. However, I am just sexy enough for the minivan I will buying soon. That's not the point, though. The point is, I am a knock out. I am seriously probably the most beautiful person in the whole world. How do I know? Because a week or so ago, I was talking to a couple in my ward, and they told me that they had been talking to one of their neighbors who had said, "Did you know that Jim Mitchell has a niece? She is a knock out! ( It turns out that their neighbor is this guy that I have talked to at the gym a couple times.) But can you believe that? I have FINALLY met a person who knows beauty when he sees it. I will love that man forever. Do I care that he is probably almost twice my age, goes tanning, and has a girlfriend whom he met on the internet? Nope. It's all the same to me. Those are words not often spoken. Come to think about it--those are words not ever spoken. But it looks like the tides are changing, now doesn't it...And that gets me thinking...
For most of my life, I have been totally insecure and self conscience. Although always feeling like Heavenly Father loved me and thought I was fabulous(which I now recognize as being a wonderful blessing), I always felt like I was kind of on the ugly side. I remember being a little girl and feeling like I didn't look the same as the other girls. I'm thinking it was because all the other girls could put pink sponge curlers in their hair and the next day they would have curls bouncing on their shoulders, and when my mom put pink sponge curlers in MY hair, all I got were blond bumps on my scalp. I remember analyzing my profile in the mirror. I remember kids asking me about the "spots" on my face. I remember being able to fit a tootsie pop stick in the gap between my two front teeth, and then later (during my freshman year) having people stare at my mouth when those two teeth had been pushed together and I was left with two big holes on either side. I have so many bad memories of being insecure. I remember being paranoid of hearing someone describe me for fear of what they'd say. I remember that in sixth grade, my best friend and I were talking on the phone with the boy we liked and he described us both as "average" and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I remember never wanting to be described as "tall and blond" because I worried that people would assume I was pretty and then they would be disappointed upon meeting me. I remember that even when Brian left on his mission, I worried about him taking a picture of me and having the other elders thinking that he had an ugly girlfriend. (That reminds me...Remember that part on Home Alone when Kevin finds a picture of Buzz's girlfriend?) Anyway, it seemed as if the only people in the world(excluding my mom) who thought I was pretty were Emily and Mim. Oh my gosh. Thank goodness for Emily and Mim. They truly saved me. I think I felt like people who really knew me and loved my innards probably thought I was alright looking, but the idea of someone thinking I was pretty without knowing me was inconceivable. So I went through those years not understanding a very important and magical truth--a truth that I learned from my best friend after I was married: the fact that it is possible to trick people (if you will) into thinking you are beautiful. She taught me that if you act like you think you're beautiful, people will begin to think you really are. Isn't that brilliant? And it totally works. Before she taught me this, I allowed Brian to see all of my insecurities and I never knew how to respond when he complimented my looks. But now, when Brian says, "Man, you're hot, Babe." I say, "Yeah, that's true." And I'm not even joking.--The man believes it! Chels! Why did you not teach me that earlier? When I've thought about it, I've realized that this little truth is just another way of saying what we've all been told before: Confidence is extremely attractive. Confidence truly does make a person beautiful.
I remember that somewhere in my teenage or young adult history, I did begin to have a glimmer of understanding of the importance of confidence. I wanted to have confidence so badly, so I decided at some point to start faking confidence. And do you know what happened? People responded to my faked confidence positively, which helped me to start building up the real stuff. You know what I mean? So then my confidence began to grow... and it continued to grow at a nice leisurely pace until I moved to the retirement community of Florence, at which point it pretty much catapulted upward. Why? Because I was suddenly in a place where I was practically the only young person around and so by default, I was the most beautiful and the most amazing. It wasn't that I had the most gorgeous hair, or the prettiest teeth, or the hottest body or amazing talents. It was just that I still had hair and teeth, I could still use my body and the small talents I had to offer were so much more needed by the people around me. But whatever. Pretty good situation, right.? You're darn right. Living here has done wonders for my confidence. So anyway, even though I still don't think I'm beautiful (I was using my trick on you in the beginning of this post), I'm comfortable with the way I look and the person I am. And I will still love that guy forever.
With all that said, guess what else? Have I mentioned that I'M RICH!? Well maybe not rich, but pretty much for the first time in my married life, we have no credit card debt. That's right. Brian and I have paid off our credit card. And ho-lee-cow. It feels soooo good.