Zero Population

The other day, I was thinking about weddings.   Specifically, I was thinking about how I would style a reception if I were getting married tomorrow.    Because I love to design and decorate my home, people are always surprised that I don't necessarily have an interest in or a knack for decorating for events.  But anyway, I was thinking about what I would really, really want for my wedding/reception if I were just about to be married, and you know what I decided?  I decided that just like when I DID get married, I wouldn't really have a lot of strong opinions.  I would want there to be good food, and I would want to look beautiful.  I would just LOVE to have a special event where I felt beautiful.  You know?  There are very few times in my life when I have felt beautiful and I know that being beautiful isn't important anyway, but I would still like the chance to feel that way.  I've been trying to remember if I felt beautiful on my wedding day.  I can't remember, but probably not.  I remember that I had a huge unhideable (made-up word?) zit on my chin--as I always do for special occasions--and I wasn't having a particularly good hair day.  I think I felt comfortable that Brian loved me and was happy with the way I looked, so that was enough.

When you read books or watch movies and there is a beautiful girl and a plain girl, which girl do you identify with?  I ALWAYS identify with the plain girl, of course.  

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Over the last month or so, I have been watching Poldark and loving it--until last night.  Last night, I watched the episode where Ross is unfaithful to Demelza, and now the whole love story is basically ruined for me.  I was DEVASTATED.  Why does this always have to happen?  For whatever reason, experiencing affairs in books/movies, etc.  affects me in real life.  It's like I went to bed with less hope.  You know?  I think I've mentioned this before, but it's like with each affair I read about/watch/find out about, I feel my chances of experiencing an affair in my own life are that much greater.  It's like the statistician in me just thinks about the laws of probability and i just get all worked up.  Anyway....hopefully the love story that has been ruined for me for now, will become a love story that teaches me about forgiveness and redemption and a deeper, truer love that results.  Can that really happen?  I hope so.


The other day, I was outside doing yard work and watching Skip do tricks on his skateboard.  One of our neighbors (who has heretofore been somewhat standoffish and not particularly friendly) was outside pullings weeds, so I had the thought to visit with her.  I said hello and asked her how she was doing.  She nodded toward the weeds she was pulling and expressed frustration with the HOA for not following through with their responsibilities to keep our easements and common areas maintained.  She mentioned the sand that had gotten blown around by our building our house and by the building that is going on currently.  Dang.  She is one of those neighbors.  Sighhhh...  Regardless, I was determined to be friendly--to kill her with kindness, or at least wound her with it.  :)  I offered to help her pull weeds and went inside to quickly grab my gloves.  When I returned and started pulling weeds,  I attempted to start a friendly conversation with her by asking if she and her husband have any kids.
"Oh, no, " she replied.  "We are part of that "zero population" generation.   My husband and I are both scientists."
She continued to express her feelings about the Earth's eminent demise and her determination not to contribute to the world's overpopulation, which is to blame.   I commented that while I respect her opinion, I do not agree with it.  She said that she feels bad for people like me who have kids who will experience the earth's...destruction?  demise?....  I can't remember the words she used.  I mostly listened but did comment that not all scientists feel the same as her with regards to not having kids.  She responded that those scientists need to check their facts.   She said that numbers don't lie.

I felt so disappointed and defeated.  We sure do see things through different lenses.  With my heart in my chest, we finished weeding and I commented about what a good job she and her husband do with their yard.  She returned the compliment.

I will keep trying.