Dear Camp, Jane, Danin and Skip,
I haven't done this in a while--write to you--so I'm doing it now. There are so many things I want to tell you--and even more--so many things I want to remember about you that I'm terrified I will forget. As you well know, I am not a worrier. I worry about things far less than I probably ought to. But for some reason, I do worry that I am losing my memory--that it will continue to get worse and worse until I can no longer remember all of the things I would never have wanted to forget.. I'm paranoid about it. I have been ever since my book club read two books about memory loss. But anyway...
These are some of the things I want to remember:
Camp. One minute ago (literally) we were arguing. You got your phone taken away a week or so ago, and I just told you you wouldn't be getting it back for a while. (You continue to struggle with being disrespectful to Dad and me and we continue to have to fight you to get your assignments all turned it and on time) You want to hash it out, but I am not going to. You are a lot like me in many ways. You want to talk everything out. I know now, from experiencing this with you, what Dad has felt all these years. I am sorry you inherited this trait from me. For what it's worth, though, I think my words are are also one of my greatest strengths. Maybe they'll be yours as well. It all depends on how we use them. You may likely also have inherited your tendency to be disrespectful from me. I was grounded for much of my childhood for being disrespectful. Unfortunately for you, this does not mean that your actions will be excused or go unpunished. What it really means, is just that maybe I can better understand you and still be confident that you will continue to become an amazing man. Because you will. I am sure of it. You already are amazing. When I think about you, I am amazed that you are my son. I love the person you are. You are such a good, fun, talented kid. You bring so much joy and fulfillment to my life.
You are 14 now which means you've started going to dances. And man, you love them. I encourage you to ask a lot of girls to dance--especially girls who wouldn't otherwise be asked--and I hope you are taking this advice. I think you are, and I love you for it. You have a distinct style. Last summer, before this school year began, was the first time you did your own school-clothes shopping. It was so surreal to see the 80's style jeans and shirts you came home with. Am I really old enough to be seeing styles cycle through again? And I've always said you can tell a boy has started liking girls when he starts combing his hair. Well, you've been liking girls for a while now. ;) At this point, you have a very specific hair routine. You come into my bathroom--always MY ( I mean Dad's and my) bathroom-- and put your whole head in the sink. After you wet all of your hair, you use my coral and blue World Market hand towel to dry it, and then you blow dry it and walk out with your head tilted to one side so that it dries just the way you like it. I got you your first cologne for Christmas and you wear it pretty faithfully. I asked you if girls ever comment on it and you said just about every day. Right now you and Lauren have a "thing" (at least you did last time I read your texts). I reviewed our rules with you about not holding hands or kissing until you're sixteen. Sarah says there's no way your not holding hands if you have a "thing." I hope she's wrong--not because holding hands is bad or because if you are holding hands it means anything--but because I asked you if you were and you said no. I want you to be honest with me, and I want you to feel comfortable telling me stuff like this. And, truth be told, I do think you should wait. That's what our leaders teach us to do and I believe it is really good counsel. And believe me, Camp. No one was ever worse off for waiting.
You loooooovvvveee to have your back rubbed--and your hands, too. You would have me rub your feet as well, but that's where I draw the line. I only do that for Dad. Whenever it is your night to have me lie with you, you have me rub your back. When it's not your night, you will often still try to get me to do it, so i'll try to avoid going into your room because of it. If by chance, you do catch me tiptoeing out after checking on Skip or whatever, you'll whisper quickly, "Mama. Will you rub my back just for one minute?" And I'll groan and tell you no, and then you'll keep asking until sometimes I agree to a few seconds of it. Sometimes, as I'm finishing, you'll stick out a hand to be rubbed as well and I'll groan again. I'm sorry I have done this so begrudgingly, Buddy. I hope that despite how much I do not enjoy massaging people, you know I DO love that you ask me to do it. I do love that every Sunday, you'll try to find your way next to me on the bench in hopes that I'll rub your back. Does it hurt your feelings when I turn your down? Often, you'll take my left arm and put it around your neck as a request. I hate you for it and love you for it at the same time. ;)
You've become very athletic and are an important part of the teams you play on. You go around shooting imaginary hoops and juking imaginary defenders just like Grandpa always has. And I looooovve to watch you play sports. It wasn't that long ago that Daddy and I were watching you in one of your Boys and Girls Club basketball games and you were so distracted and disengaged. We knew you were thinking about Harry Potter. You're not thinking about that any more. Your head is definitely in the game. Track is coming up soon and you are so excited. I am excited too. You just got your new white and black track shoes and you have worn them around the house all day.
You talk to me. You tell me jokes and about funny things that you see and about conversations. You take me through plays that happen in your games. You retell me things you learn at school and elsewhere (Like youTube :)) I love all these words. Thank you for them!
You are confident. This is one of the qualities I most admire in you. It is the one quality I wish I could give to my 14-year-old self. It is such a blessing and a gift. You are comfortable with yourself and that makes you a leader. Erin told me when you were very young that you were a natural leader. I hate to admit that I couldn't totally see it at that time. But I definitely see it now. She was right. You ARE a leader. And like Dad and I have told you, that means you have a very large responsibility. You have the power to either lead others to good, or lead them to bad. I hope you always take this responsibility seriously.
You are such a good kid. I know this because you are my son.....and because I read your texts :) I see that you want to be good. You want to do what is right. You are definitely a normal kid with weaknesses and temptations, but you are on the right track and I am sooooo grateful. Please continue on that road.
Even though we argue a lot these days and experience a fair amount of conflict, I hope you know how much Dad and I love you and how proud we are of the person you are becoming. What a cool kid you are! We have people telling us that all the time, and we know it to be true. Love you, Baby.
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Wednesday, February 14, 2018
Kissing (Part 1)
Being Valentine's Day and all, I thought it appropriate to write about kissing.
Have I already written about this??
I was boy crazy from my earliest memories. I remember every boy I've ever loved (liked), starting in kindergarten:
Justin Bigger
mexican kid from school (i don't remember his name.)
Mark Wilkins
Steven Perkowski
Jess Warren
Patrick Hutchison
Joseph Terry
Kenny Sorensen
John Hardy
and of course, Brian Lacouture
.....just to name a few.
Interestingly, though, I never really had a thing for kissing boys. Kissing, (or rather, the IDEA of kissing) terrified me. It always seemed like to everyone else, it was such a normal, natural thing. But to me? Totally awkward and terrifying. Maybe I should have watched more kissing movies.
The fact is, I was never in a position to kiss a boy until I was 16 and had my first boyfriend. And I was absolutely terrified to kiss him. Anytime we got into one of those kissy situations where our faces were close together, I would always just get nervous and dodgy. And Sarah had somehow figured out that part of what terrified me about kissing was having to tell my mom about it. I knew she would ask me, and I couldn't lie to her.
One night, Joseph and I were talking on the phone and the conversation kinda led to when in the heck we were going to kiss. I don't know what kind of excuses I was coming up with or what I was saying. All I remember is Sarah barging into the room (she must have been listening in on our conversation) and saying, "Ann, you just need Mom to give you permission to kiss Josepsh!"
To which I replied, "No, I don't!"
And she said "Yes, you do!" And then started hollering for my mom. When my mom got to my bedroom, Sarah blurted out, "Mom, Ann needs you to give her permission to kiss Joseph!"
And my mom repeated, "Ann, do you need permission to kiss Joseph?"
And I replied, "Yes!" Turns out I did need that permission. I just needed to know it was ok with my mom for me to be kissing boys. :)
A couple days later when Joseph kissed me for the first time--and it was probably the most awkward peck ever, my fault--the first thing my mom asked me when I went inside was, "Did he kiss you?" and then, "Did you like it?" What kind of mom asks that question? An awesome one. That's what kind.
But ANYWAY... after going through a couple months dating Joseph and then Justin and still being totally terrified of kissing (how do you do it? Do we stare into each other's eyes first? Do I wait for him to touch my face first or do I meet him half way? Do I turn my head left or right? What if we bonk noses?? What if he opens his mouth? What if he uses his tongue?????) I decided that one way or another I was going to have to get over that fear, and learn how to handle the whole thing. I mean, I did plan on having kids someday....
So one day, I happened upon an article in The Reader's Digest that would change my (kissing) life. It outlined a study that had been done with shooting free throws. In the study, there were three groups--one control group and two experimental groups. The object of the study was to determine which randomized group would make the most baskets while shooting free throws at the end of the experimental period. The procedure was as follows: Over a given period of time, one group of people would physically practice free throws for a specified amount of time every day. The second group would visually practice free throws for that same amount of time--in other words, they would be guided in visualizing everything about shooting free throws: where you would stand, where you were looking when you released the ball, how the ball looked flying through the air, how the ball would hit the backboard, etc. And the control group didn't do anything. At the end of the experimental period, all the groups had to shoot free throws and the number of baskets were recorded. The conclusion of the study was that the group that did the visualizing was able to make the most baskets. So interesting, right?
Well, I decided that if the whole visualizing thing worked with free throws, then surely it would also work with kissing. So I started setting aside time to visualize kissing. No joke. I would imagine being in the kissy situation (you know the kind--with the look and stuff) and then I would imagine which way I would turn my face, how we would come together. How our lips would make contact, etc.
After I had been going through these exercises for a while, Brian asked me to be his girlfriend, and I knew my visualizing would be put to the test. He told me later that Justin had made the comment to him, "I hope you're not planning to get any action with Ann. You're going to be disappointed!" Oh brother.
But anyway, I couldn't stand the thought of waiting for, and then being in, that horrible kissy situation, so I just decided that armed with the visualization skills I had acquired, I was just going to take matters into my own hands and plant one on him before there was any time for things to be awkward. And man, that's gotta be one of the finer decisions of my life. It worked like a champ.
Turns out, Meghan and Justin were watching the whole thing go down from across the street in Meghan's house. Ha! I shocked the socks off them! (Remember that, Meg??)
So anyway....
Have I already written about this??
I was boy crazy from my earliest memories. I remember every boy I've ever loved (liked), starting in kindergarten:
Justin Bigger
mexican kid from school (i don't remember his name.)
Mark Wilkins
Steven Perkowski
Jess Warren
Patrick Hutchison
Joseph Terry
Kenny Sorensen
John Hardy
and of course, Brian Lacouture
.....just to name a few.
Interestingly, though, I never really had a thing for kissing boys. Kissing, (or rather, the IDEA of kissing) terrified me. It always seemed like to everyone else, it was such a normal, natural thing. But to me? Totally awkward and terrifying. Maybe I should have watched more kissing movies.
The fact is, I was never in a position to kiss a boy until I was 16 and had my first boyfriend. And I was absolutely terrified to kiss him. Anytime we got into one of those kissy situations where our faces were close together, I would always just get nervous and dodgy. And Sarah had somehow figured out that part of what terrified me about kissing was having to tell my mom about it. I knew she would ask me, and I couldn't lie to her.
One night, Joseph and I were talking on the phone and the conversation kinda led to when in the heck we were going to kiss. I don't know what kind of excuses I was coming up with or what I was saying. All I remember is Sarah barging into the room (she must have been listening in on our conversation) and saying, "Ann, you just need Mom to give you permission to kiss Josepsh!"
To which I replied, "No, I don't!"
And she said "Yes, you do!" And then started hollering for my mom. When my mom got to my bedroom, Sarah blurted out, "Mom, Ann needs you to give her permission to kiss Joseph!"
And my mom repeated, "Ann, do you need permission to kiss Joseph?"
And I replied, "Yes!" Turns out I did need that permission. I just needed to know it was ok with my mom for me to be kissing boys. :)
A couple days later when Joseph kissed me for the first time--and it was probably the most awkward peck ever, my fault--the first thing my mom asked me when I went inside was, "Did he kiss you?" and then, "Did you like it?" What kind of mom asks that question? An awesome one. That's what kind.
But ANYWAY... after going through a couple months dating Joseph and then Justin and still being totally terrified of kissing (how do you do it? Do we stare into each other's eyes first? Do I wait for him to touch my face first or do I meet him half way? Do I turn my head left or right? What if we bonk noses?? What if he opens his mouth? What if he uses his tongue?????) I decided that one way or another I was going to have to get over that fear, and learn how to handle the whole thing. I mean, I did plan on having kids someday....
So one day, I happened upon an article in The Reader's Digest that would change my (kissing) life. It outlined a study that had been done with shooting free throws. In the study, there were three groups--one control group and two experimental groups. The object of the study was to determine which randomized group would make the most baskets while shooting free throws at the end of the experimental period. The procedure was as follows: Over a given period of time, one group of people would physically practice free throws for a specified amount of time every day. The second group would visually practice free throws for that same amount of time--in other words, they would be guided in visualizing everything about shooting free throws: where you would stand, where you were looking when you released the ball, how the ball looked flying through the air, how the ball would hit the backboard, etc. And the control group didn't do anything. At the end of the experimental period, all the groups had to shoot free throws and the number of baskets were recorded. The conclusion of the study was that the group that did the visualizing was able to make the most baskets. So interesting, right?
Well, I decided that if the whole visualizing thing worked with free throws, then surely it would also work with kissing. So I started setting aside time to visualize kissing. No joke. I would imagine being in the kissy situation (you know the kind--with the look and stuff) and then I would imagine which way I would turn my face, how we would come together. How our lips would make contact, etc.
After I had been going through these exercises for a while, Brian asked me to be his girlfriend, and I knew my visualizing would be put to the test. He told me later that Justin had made the comment to him, "I hope you're not planning to get any action with Ann. You're going to be disappointed!" Oh brother.
But anyway, I couldn't stand the thought of waiting for, and then being in, that horrible kissy situation, so I just decided that armed with the visualization skills I had acquired, I was just going to take matters into my own hands and plant one on him before there was any time for things to be awkward. And man, that's gotta be one of the finer decisions of my life. It worked like a champ.
Turns out, Meghan and Justin were watching the whole thing go down from across the street in Meghan's house. Ha! I shocked the socks off them! (Remember that, Meg??)
So anyway....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)