Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Kissing (Part 1)

Being Valentine's Day and all, I thought it appropriate to write about kissing.

Have I already written about this??

I was boy crazy from my earliest memories.  I remember every boy I've ever loved (liked), starting in kindergarten:

Justin Bigger
mexican kid from school (i don't remember his name.)
Mark Wilkins
Steven Perkowski
Jess Warren
Patrick Hutchison
Joseph Terry
Kenny Sorensen
John Hardy
and of course, Brian Lacouture
.....just to name a few.

Interestingly, though, I never really had a thing for kissing boys.  Kissing,  (or rather, the IDEA of kissing) terrified me.  It always seemed like to everyone else, it was such a normal, natural thing.  But to me?  Totally awkward and terrifying.  Maybe I should have watched more kissing movies.

The fact is, I was never in a position to kiss a boy until I was 16 and had my first boyfriend.  And I was absolutely terrified to kiss him.  Anytime we got into one of those kissy situations where our faces were close together, I would always just get nervous and dodgy.   And Sarah had somehow figured out that part of what terrified me about kissing was having to tell my mom about it.  I knew she would ask me, and I couldn't lie to her.

One night,  Joseph and I were talking on the phone and the conversation kinda led to when in the heck we were going to kiss.  I don't know what kind of excuses I was coming up with or what I was saying.  All I remember is Sarah barging into the room (she must have been listening in on our conversation) and saying, "Ann, you just need Mom to give you permission to kiss Josepsh!"

To which I replied, "No, I don't!"

And she said "Yes, you do!" And then started hollering for my mom.  When my mom got to my bedroom, Sarah blurted out, "Mom, Ann needs you to give her permission to kiss Joseph!"

And my mom repeated, "Ann, do you need permission to kiss Joseph?"

And I replied, "Yes!"  Turns out I did need that permission.  I just needed to know it was ok with my mom  for me to be kissing boys.  :)

A couple days later when Joseph kissed me for the first time--and it was probably the most awkward peck ever, my fault--the first thing my mom asked me when I went inside was, "Did he kiss you?" and then,  "Did you like it?"  What kind of mom asks that question?  An awesome one.  That's what kind.

But ANYWAY... after going through a couple months dating Joseph and then Justin and still being totally terrified of kissing (how do you do it? Do we stare into each other's eyes first?  Do I wait for him to touch my face first or do I meet him half way?   Do I turn my head left or right?  What if we bonk noses??  What if he opens his mouth?  What if he uses his tongue?????)  I decided that one way or another I was going to have to get over that fear, and learn how to handle the whole thing.    I mean, I did plan on having kids someday....

So one day, I happened upon an article in The Reader's Digest that would change my (kissing) life.  It outlined a study that had been done with shooting free throws.  In the study, there were three groups--one control group and two experimental groups.  The object of the study was to determine which randomized group would make the most baskets while shooting free throws  at the end of the experimental period.  The procedure was as follows:  Over a given period of time, one group of people would physically practice free throws for a specified amount of time every day.  The second group would visually practice free throws for that same amount of time--in other words, they would be guided in visualizing everything about shooting free throws: where you would stand, where you were looking when you released the ball, how the ball looked flying through the air, how the ball would hit the backboard, etc.  And the control group didn't do anything.  At the end of the experimental period, all the groups had to shoot free throws and the number of baskets were recorded.   The conclusion of the study was that the group that did the visualizing was able to make the most baskets.  So interesting, right?

Well, I decided that if the whole visualizing thing worked with free throws, then surely it would also work with kissing.   So I started setting aside time to visualize kissing.  No joke.    I would imagine being in the kissy situation (you know the kind--with the look and stuff) and then I would imagine which way I would turn my face, how we would come together.  How our lips would make contact, etc.

After I had been going through these exercises for a while, Brian asked me to be his girlfriend, and I knew my visualizing would be put to the test.    He told me later that Justin had made the comment to him, "I hope you're not planning to get any action with Ann.  You're going to be disappointed!"  Oh brother.

But anyway,  I couldn't stand the thought of waiting for, and then being in, that horrible kissy situation, so I just decided that armed with the visualization skills I had acquired, I was just going to take matters into my own hands and plant one on him before there was any time for things to be awkward.    And man, that's gotta be one of the finer decisions of my life.  It worked like a champ.
Turns out, Meghan and Justin were watching the whole thing go down from across the street in Meghan's house.    Ha!  I shocked the socks off them!  (Remember that, Meg??)

So anyway....