Thursday, June 5, 2008

I Need Help

I have an emotional relationship with food. This is kinda what it's like: (Me) "Ooooh, I love you food!" (Food) "Oooohhh, I love you, too, Ann! Eat me! Eat me!" Basically, I equate food with happiness. The way I look at it, anything is fun if there is food present. I think this is because I love to talk and eating is always accompanied by really good conversation. True, right? But anyway, I hate that I do not have more self control with the things I eat. Today my friend Kaori left a plate of big homemade cream puffs on my doorstep and I ended up eating all six of them! I actually tried to have Camp and Jane both eat one, but they were unfamiliar with them and so they wouldn't. I was seriously out of control. And this doesn't just happen with goodies. I just eat too much in general. I feel like I eat three lunches every day--my own, and then the left-overs of Camp and Jane. I feel like I almost have a responsibility to eat that PB and J sandwich crust and the last spoonfuls of macaroni, because after all, there are people starving in this world, and they would love to have these little remnants. Now don't get all crazy--all you health nuts out there. You don't need to shake your heads in disgust. I'm not totally pathetic. I almost never eat fried foods and I do love fruits and vegetables, and I only buy wheat bread. I just wish I didn't love food so much. Is this something a shrink could help me with? I don't know, but I remember trying to analyze my condition with my exercise-physiologist uncle a few years back and he asked me a bunch of questions about my childhood food experiences. He thought that maybe there hadn't been enough food available to me growing up, and that this may have influenced my need to eat more (way more) than a reasonable girl needs to eat. I assured him that that surely was not the issue. I grew up having lots of food and there was always more than enough. So I don't know what the heck my problem is...

Other than that (well, and the fact that a handfull of the people in my neighborhood wish that we did not live here because we have kids) my life is really good right now. Danin discovered the toilet, Jane got into some oil-based automotive paint but didn't get one drop on the carpet, Camp taught himself to ride his bike without training wheels (although he will only do it with his smaller bike), Brian is super busy but has refrained from going back to energy drinks, we put in a lawn, I have not lost my cool in almost two weeks, and I will be going to Melissa's wedding next weekend. So cool. Oh, yeah. And I finally conducted a taste test between the generic Safeway brand oreos and the real ones. Although the real ones won, my experimental units all agreed that the generic ones put up a darn good fight. Besides, the results would definitely be deemed statistically insignificant because my samply size (3) was way too small, there was no randomization, and the real oreos were double stuffed. P.S. Most generic brands are not as good as Safeway's (Vons).































19 comments:

nikki said...

can I just say that I love reading yourblog because you are just so dang honest. I love food to, but I mostly have a hard time turning away from homemade chocolate chip cookies. I have to make Cameron remove them from my presence.

Kacey & Chris said...

I have a hard time getting away from food also. But I will say that I do enjoy eating a good fried meal, & I don't eat wheat bread. I have also been know to eat a couple dozen cookies, and a LOT of ice cream too. So don't feel so bad, just think you are doing better than me. And plus you work out so there is an extra bonus.

Miriam said...

Hey Ann, Jane is so unbelievably cute in that picture I want to eat her. Speaking of eating, I have a lot to say on the following subject. I had so many terrible issues with food and my self-concept for too many years. I think my problems were different than yours, but maybe this will still help. I had a friend who had bulimia and anorexia, and during her recovery they made her read the book Intuitive Eating. This book coupled with my mission healed me of a lot of these issues. The first process that the books talks about is removing associations that we have with food (i.e. it's bad to eat my kid's leftovers, or it's good to eat lots of veggies). No good food. No bad food. Just food. And as you remove these associations, you also remove the limits that you put on yourself (like...I shouldn't eat all 12 cream puffs). You eat whatever, whenever, and however much you want. People often gain weight during this time--the mission was good for me, because it finally gave me the freedom of not obsessing over how skinny I was. The point is that after you go through this process, you discover what you really need/enjoy, and what you just indulge in because it's "forbidden." I learned so much about myself, as well as learned to identify the emotional eating I was doing, and why. I am soo much happier now that I have a more healthy relationship with food! I can't even tell you-- But that doesn't mean that I eat super healthy all the time. It just means I know what I like; I eat what I need; and I know how to listen to my body more. Not perfect--I'm still learning; but I have become more intuitive. Anyway, there's my 2 cents. Actually it kinda turned into my 87 cents. I really recommend the book. PS you're hot.

Melissa & William said...

I'm not a shrink, but I am a therapist, so maybe I can opine with some credibility. I don't think you have a problem with food you ought to be concerned about. If fact, I'm glad you like it so much. I think life should be enjoyed. Your food consumption doesn't seem to be causing you 'clinically significant' distress. You're in good health, good shape, and have lots of fun eating (as opposed to eating in secret at night, purging, etc.) So if you like mac & cheese remnants so much then pound them down. Otherwise, save the room for Safeway oreos.

Looking forward to seeing you at the wedding. It means a lot to me that you're traveling so far to celebrate with us. Oh, and you might want to come hungry. There's gonna be lots of good food.

campblondie said...

The PB&J crusts are the best part in my opinion.

Rachel McEwen said...

I know how you feel...I was called the "human garbage can" in high school b/c people were amazed at how much I can eat. It is still a topic of discussion with new people who don't know and understand how much I eat. I love food and food loves me!! I have no limits and no control...it's sad.

Rachel McEwen said...

P.S. My friend always tells me that it is not what you eat 20% of the time, it is what you eat 80% of the time that really matters. So those 6 cream puffs are most likely 20% it is not like you indulge like that daily....maybe?

Heather said...

Your house is so cool looking It looks like you live in the middle of the woods! And if you eat too much, how come you are so skinny? Funny, every time Blake is out of town for work I feel like I need brownie ice cream. Hey, it's low fat..........

ksdavis6 said...

Ann I think that is why we seem like we known each other forever, because I have the same problem with food. I have no control, none zip, i even try to kid myself by putting things in the freezer, like cookies and brownies, but that doesn't seem to work. If their is ice cream in my freezer it is constintly in my mind, thinking when would be the perfect time to enjoy some. Anyway, last sunday we had some friends over and she made homemade sheet cake, the best ever, and I probably ate half of it, and I am not lying!!! Anyway, I am glad you are doing well, speaking of money or control of, our conversation when we were there a couple of weeks ago, I got a story that is going to kill you. Still plan on coming up the 22nd okay! I need to plan it and then I will let you know what you can contribute. We leave for LV on Wednesday, and will be back the 21st. Take care until then. Sonya

Audge said...

Oh Ann...you know that I have the same problem with food! Remember that one time when we were talking on the phone and I was telling you how much I think about food? The only time I didn't think about it was when I was taking a test because the only thing I could think about then was not failing it. Anyway, I truly was out of control with my eating at that time. I thnk I am a lot better now though with how much I THINK about it. I still eat a ton though.

Mindy said...

And yet you still looking amazing. I have the same problem and was talking to a friend of mine and we decided we were going to go the the church 12 step program and see if we can get it figured out!!! I'll let you know if anything really stands out. Othere then that I love the pictures of your babies. Lillie has the same dress up outfit that Jane is wearing

Nicole Cave said...

I think it is very fitting that you ended this post talking aboout oreos!!

Erin said...

I am so glad you found my blog Ann! I am adding you to my link list on my blog (hopefully you don't mind). I can't believe your kids and how grown up and totally adorable they all are. I will keep checking in on you now. glad to be back in touch!

Jen said...

That was such a fun experiment!! I love those little ideas you come up with. I hope that you don't find a way to overcome your emotional attachment to food because one of my favorite things about having you as a friend is that you enjoy eating food!! Which in my opinion is way better than thinking of food as a drug, or hating food because of the calories. I would be so sad if you stopped encouraging me to have seconds because I LOVE eating with you too!!!

Heather & Billy said...

You've heard of the FlyLady right? Well she wrote a book called Body Clutter that was like an emotional eating therapy book for me. I wrote a whole blog once like yours when I was doing Nutrisystem before I had Keller... But I was afraid and ashamed and never shared it with anyone. I'll send it to you if you want. I love being self-psychoanalytical and stuff.

Emily said...

Ann
We have some things in common. 1) Bangs. I LOVE your short little thicker bangs!! You look BEAUTFIUL, I just recently walloped mine. I thought this to be an impulsive trajedy, until I looked at myself in a picture and thought, "don't mind if I do!" Yes an Ann saying. And common 2) Food. I read this entry, and the very two nights before, I had eaten, well probablly about 12 delicious soft oatmeal cookies. So your entry was particularily comfoting. For me, this food thing is...a little frustrating, but you just roll with the punches, and say, awww, so now and then I splurge. For me, its this funny thing with having a hard time dealing with my own emotion, be it pain sorrow, boredom, dissapointment, frustration. Recently I really resolved to take those feelings to the Lord, and allow myself to kneel there and feel them and even better picture the that the Savior understands there in the garden. (Haven't pictured that just yet, but it sounds really good) AND do you know what, I am proud because I DO do this sometimes, I did it a month or so ago and still felt like my treat after, but I thought hey, so I have a prayer and a treat, even better! Besides I probablly didn't go so overboard on the treat. I don't know if you like food in those reasones, but I also have the similarity in you, that I think food is just so yummy and fun, and delicious and true! I especially eat a lot of it when I have a great meal. My second combatant of this is that I started using really healthy ingredients like whole wheat and split peas, and sometimes I still eat alot of poo food, but thats ok, too, joy in the journey! Step by Step, step one, have lots of fun, step two, there's so much we can do, (New kids on the block :)So goodbye from your bang mate and food mate~!

emily said...

P.S. When I say poo food I mean food that isn't all that great tasting, like split peas and such.

McLeod Clan said...

Mine is not about food because we both know how much I LOVE that stuff! Hense the always on a diet syndrome that I posess. However you know what I never realized, is how many people now days just bath thier babies in the sink! Your kids are too cute! Oh and by the way, I don't know why I haven't though about this before but if I'm ever feelin crappy about how I look I'm just shootin you a picture because some where in all these years of friendship I brainwashed you brilliantly!! thanks Annie!

Amy said...

Whew....that was a long post! But it had me laughing so dang hard! Especially since I can picture you eating the food scraps.....cuz that's what you and I have always done! Good job girl! :)