Love Dare, Day 13: Love Fights Fair

I'm feeling a bit lonely with this dare.  I feel responsible to keep posting the dares, though, to keep myself on track, if for nothing else.  This is hard.  Each dare seems so simple, but often ends up being quite difficult to realize--at least for me.  But like I said.  I'm not giving up.  Lonely or not, I'm sticking to this.  Maybe tomorrow I'll show you my new-to-me eBay shams or my new polka dot rug.  Maybe I'll have something interesting to write about.  I'm not making any promises though,  because I think tomorrow will be a hard day.

Here's today's dare:

Talk with your spouse (I'll refrain from inserting any negative expectations:) about establishing healthy rules of engagement (i.e.  how to fight nicely).  If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by.  Resolve to abide by hem when the next disagreement occurs.

Here are some  "we" rules the book suggests:

1.)  We will never mention divorce
2.)  We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
3.)  We will never fight in public or in front of our children
4.)  We will call a "time out"  if conflict escalates to a damaging level
5.) We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
6.) We will never go to bed angry with one another.  (The temple worker who sealed Brian and me told us that is is bad advice, and I have come to totally agree--at least for Brian and me.  Sometimes the best thing for us to do in order to restore peace and let the little things go is just to go to bed and awake to a new day)
7.) Failure is not an option.  Whatever it takes, we will work it out.

And here are some "me" rules the book suggests:

1.)  I will listen first before speaking.
2.)  I will deal with my own issues up-front.
3.)  I will speak gently and keep my voice down.

Love Dare, Day 12: Love Let's the Other Win

Dare:

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.  Tell him (her) you are putting his preference first.

Love Dare, Day 11: Love Cherishes

What need does your spouse have that you cold meet today?  Can you run an errand?  Give a back rub or foot massage?  Is there housework you could help with ?  Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

Love Dare, Day 10: Love is Unconditional

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse--something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else.  Wash her car.  Clean the kitchen.  Buy his favorite dessert.  Fold the laundry.  Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

Love Dare, Day 9: Love Makes Good Impressions

Dare:

Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today.  Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your regular greetings to reflect your love for him (her).

Love Dare, Day 8: Love is Not Jealous

Dare:

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy.  To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it.  Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

My Favorite Thing About Brian

By the way, at the end of this dare (the dare with making the lists), the book asks Which list was easier to make?  What does this reveal about your thoughts?   Oh, man.  Good question.

But let me share with you a couple of the many things on my positive qualities list for Brian.    (Cause you know it's been killing me to not be able to talk through all of these dares with you.  I'm doing my best to be appropriately private. )

Brian makes me feel safe.  Physically safe, mainly.    Do you know what I mean?  He is very strong, and very brave, and he just kinda knows how to survive and protect his family.  He thinks quickly, and figures things out, and finds solutions, and uses available resources, and is always prepared.  So weather I have a flat tire, or something is burning, or I am in danger, I know he will protect and take care of me, and I love that.

Secondly, I love and am so grateful for Brian's always having been so patient with my "getting ready" stuff.  I'm afraid I've never been the get-out-of-the-shower-and-go kinda girl--as much as I wish I were--and Brian has always just been so patient with me.  I don't think he has ever--in our almost-twelve years of marriage--complained that I have taken too long to get ready to go somewhere.  I'm even irritated at myself, but he has never said a word.    Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm realizing that he has probably never said a word because he recognizes I am doing the world a favor by getting out the flat iron and some mascara.  Yeah, that's it, I'm sure.  But still.  I really appreciate it.

What were some of the things on your good lists?